Stress, Stress, Stre...

It's odd how a little bit of money can buy you happiness, yet a lack of a little bit of money can bring about the end of your world. Or at least in some cases what seems to be that drastic of a measure. Even though work pays the bills and I still find time to get out of the house for a night or so each week it still feels as though these four walls grow tighter every day. WHY?!

At first I thought I was just freaking out over financial reasons, then I realized it was my whole attitude of what I'm doing. Me and a friend recently discussed how neither of of saw the other as very sociable people. At the same time we know a lot of different people. So how can one be sociable with out being social and social without being sociable?
I pondered on this and came to realize that we hardly are non-sociable, we just don't realize what we contribute to the social setting. It took me a few weeks of mental notes to decide that I do get out and that I do know a lot of people from all types and walks of life, yet I still don't consider myself popular amongst them I realize I bring a few distinct things to a party or dinner or night out with friends. Varying roles are played to each separate group of people and tend to mesh me with the crowd.
IE: At a party last weekend I was the eldest of the crowd, not that I like to admit, and I still fit the social norms of that age group. Getting along and relating to people that I had hardly met before this. Then the next night hanging out with some of my better friends playing pool and dodging the bartenders who hadn't carded me at this point, my ID is expired... yet we hanged out just like in the years past, nothing changed.

It came to me as an epiphany, it wasn't so much what I wasn't but what I thought I wasn't.
Yeah, trippy I know! It makes you think though if I am only inhibited by what I think I not am, then I could be anything that I think I could be.
Inspiring and all, yet it is harder than it seems to change one's attitude to reflect a new viewpoint. I realized, at the same time, that I do this on a regular basis when around different crowds of people. So then my question is this: When am I my true-self, rather than the mold of the people around me?
Am I true when in solitude? When I am with family? Best friends?
The question at hand is harder to answer than I imagined and I am still in the process of answering. So for now I will enjoy my time here, while I'm here and be and act as I please towards whoever I am around. That in my simplest opinion IS my true-self.

Mail, Mail, Tear!!

To my recognition I have never torn a letter up with more malice and hatered than I did today.

You know the day started off normal, coffee and a pineapple and orange zest muffin (btw great combo kudos to who thought of that!), classes, sitting around waiting for more classes, laundry. On the way coming back from the laundry mat I decided to grab the ever forgotten mail box that is in the path to my apartment.
I sort through it to see what is mine and what is my roommate's. Junk mail, junk mail, bill, bill statement, and a letter from the Marines...
(Thinking to myself who the hell do I know in the Marines?!) I curiously opened it in hopes that it was some long lost friend saying they were doing fine and making something of their life, unlike yours truly.

WRONG!!!

Instead I stare down into my hands holding a flimsy application to the Marine Corp.. Don't get me wrong I respect those that choose to server our country and lay their lives down to protect or societal means, but c'mon!!! Christ the Marines are sending out junk mail ?!

Maybe I'm over reacting to this but lets see... yep, I signed up for the draft according to national law when I turned 18 yrs. old, I've protested the war on Demers and Washington... yet I'm mauled with crap mail from our armed forces. YES!!, I WOULD LOVE TO DIE FOR A REASON THAT I SEE IS UNFIT TO ME, PLEASE SIGN ME IN, OHH PRETTY PLEASE!!

Ugh, it just disgusts me to think that some people fall for these ploys, have we come so far to be blinded by the fact that not only our people are dying there but civilians, in numbers unparalleled by the original attack on our country?!
I know rant rant rant but watch and see, in a decade or two they will talk about this as the greatest mistake of our time as Americans and I for one am ashamed of where we are and what we are doing.

Again much love and respect to our armed forces and their families, but it's time to grow a brain on our front and admit our wrong and really, REALLY do something that is productive.